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[07 Dec 2009|10:22pm] |
gift-giving season is here...
i've always had a problem at gift season, because i worry about how much to spend. my tendency is to over-spend, but then i think of how badly i would feel if the tables were turned, and i feel bad about that, too--i don't want to make somebody feel cheap, and i'm not trying to out-shine them. i just want things to be relatively equal, so that nobody feels bad.
as i'm growing up, though, i'm finding a whole new set of issues... i was wondering if anybody's encountered these situations and/or has any input.
issue #1: family members getting married. for a nice even number, let's say i've always spent $30 on a gift for my sister. do i now spend $30 on a gift for her, and $30 on a gift for her husband? if they give me a gift worth $60, could i take that as a cue and give them each a gift worth $30, or would i have to give them each a gift worth $60? i want to welcome him into the family, but i've never had a brother-in-law before, and i don't know how this is supposed to work. (while i'm at it, do i now get him birthday presents, too? i don't even know when his birthday is...)
issue #2: married friends i met this woman at work. we got along well, we got to be friends, we hang out outside of work, and sometimes when we're doing things in groups, her husband comes along with his daughter from a previous marriage. so say for christmas, i get a present worth $30 and the card says "from friend, husband, and step-daughter". i am sure that my friend picked out the present herself, but since their names were on the card, i don't want to ignore them for christmas... do i spend $10 on a present for each of them, to equal the $30 that was spent on me? i feel like i'm kind of cheating my friend, here, by only getting her a a $10 gift, but i don't want to spend a full $30 on her, and ignore the husband and kid, when their names were on the card, too, and it would probably be overkill to spend $30 on each of them, right?? does your answer change at all if you know that they actually maintain separate bank accounts, and you're almost positive that the funding for the present came only from her bank account?
issue #3: single friends with children so my best friend had a baby. she's not with the father. the baby is adorable, and none of my friends or siblings have had babies, so i'm excited to see it and be a part of it. since she's single and on her own, i'm always there for her and the baby, to the point where we sometimes joke that i'm the kid's father (i'm a girl.) i love shopping for kids, so come christmas time, i spend what i normally spend on her (say, $30), and then say i spend $30 more on the baby. she gives me a $30 present, and i'm sure everything is fine, because of course, i don't expect anything in return from the infant. ...but come the next christmas, i do the same thing, this time getting her a $30 gift card, and spending $30 on the kid, and i'm shocked to receive a $60 gift card from her in return. now i feel like i must have made her feel bad last christmas, but i feel bad this christmas because my gift to her is quite clearly only worth half of her gift to me... you could say that it was technically from the kid, too, but obviously the kid didn't spend any money on it... i feel like this year, i should spend $60 on her, and then just spend my typical $30 on the kid, but i have a feeling that if i do that, she'll turn around and spend $90 on me next year, and i don't want to start climbing that ladder... i could spend $60 on her and nothing on the kid, and that would be fair, i suppose, but i really like buying presents for the kid...
(i am perpetually single, btw, so when it comes to gift-giving, i'm always on my own.)
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